An Email I Sent...

It was my last few months of living in the city centre of Auckland, NZ. I had read The Irresistible Revolution a half-year before this and was motivated to spend more time around the homeless. So I ventured around town late at night a couple of times, here’s an email I sent to a friend after returning to my apartment the first night.

I walked around town that night after small group. It was super humbling, but not because I met some awesome homeless man and we talked late into the night, or because I was able to offer something to someone in need that we take for granted daily. No, I didn't talk to anyone actually. I timidly asked one man how his night was going, but he wasn't keen on making a new friend, and the only other person I passed who wasn't attempting to sleep was talking to some other guy. Walking around, I realized quickly I had no idea what exactly I was doing, or how to go about doing it, and although I was praying for God to show me things and use me, there was still uneasiness inside me that I couldn't place. So as I was walking back to my flat disappointed because I didn't make any new friends like I had expected, I realized why I felt uneasy and why I had all of the hesitations that I did before.

I was treating this like an event, like a reaching out, like a personal sacrifice for the good of others. Embarrassingly, there was a feeling of self-righteousness knowing that not enough Christians do this, but at the same time there was a feeling of disappointment that hanging with the homeless is slowly becoming more popular, meaning that my actions aren't as radical or admirable as I'd like them to be. Ah the truth inside is so sick eh? Anyway, all of this said, it's about making it a lifestyle. It's not about reaching out to the homeless, it's about being among them and being among them and being among them so that its normal, its routine, so that it goes unnoticed even by ourselves. I feel like I don't deserve for anyone on the streets to give me the light of day, because I had expectations of "amazing" things happening that would ultimately end in feelings of self satisfaction and praise. God showed me how little one night means. He showed me how many nights and days filled with a pure, selfless, and caring heart, (especially after remaining too still for so many years), that it would take before I would deserve respect from people on the streets. Fortunately, I have a feeling they show grace in much greater abundance then any other group of people. Amen to that!

Looking at the Sky Tower and some clouds while sitting

on a hill in the Auckland Domain, my first week in NZ.

An Email I Received...

I received one of those mass emails from a friend the other day, updating a group of us on what’s been going on in her life the last couple of months. In it she shared the highlights of her quarter so far up at UC Davis. Describing one of her highlights to us she wrote…

I joined a club called Acorn Mentoring Project where every week a group of UCD students go to a lower income neighborhood in Sacramento to work with a group of underprivileged kids. It's been a lot of fun (we play games, do crafts, help with homework, talk about important topics - we had a mock election on election day - etc.) but it's also been quite a challenge. Kids range from ages 4 to 16 and some of them have a lot of attitude (I'm talking about 12 years olds cursing at each other!), so sometimes it's hard to know how to effectively communicate with them, but we're there to provide them with a positive environment.

I have another friend who went down to Nicaragua last winter for a couple of weeks or so. She volunteered as a Spanish translator for American doctors who were down there treating those who otherwise aren’t able to receive medical attention. And last I heard, she's trying to find a way to make it back this winter.

Another friend volunteered with an organization called Best Buddies, where she was matched up with someone with intellectual disabilities. They would hang out one on one, grab dinner together, and take part in events like barbecues or bowling. All of this in hopes of being a friend the person could count on and in doing so bettering their lives.

These are just a few examples of people who, as far as I know, don’t really claim to have a relationship with Jesus, and don’t have that to influence the decisions they make, or what they do with their time.

After I read that email I got to thinking a bit and my whole thing is this…

If I did any of these things, I would feel incredibly self-righteous. Here I am believing we’re called to love those who need it the most, and I can’t see myself doing anything without afterwards feeling this false stamp of approval on my heart and my actions. And then there are people who do truly Good things without ever thinking twice about themselves. Hmm… I’m missing something here.